perhaps I'll just get a catheter
I spent a good deal of last week peeing blood and passing kidney stones. I have a history of such delightful events, the last being a kidney stone surgery in January accompanied by two hospital stays. $14,750 later…
I moved to the Bay Area, you know, where it’s warm & sunny all the time, opportunity abounds, and you’re so happy, unicorns and rainbows shoot out of your ass. So, while you are out spending this excessive amount of money you are now apparently earning, occasionally, you’ll feel that little twinge in your nether regions, and matters must be addressed. It’s time to pee; NOW. So, let’s go find a potty so we can get back to more important matters, shall we?
I’m used to living in the Midwest. If I needed to pee while I was out running errands, shopping, etc., I would simply find the nearest public restroom. There, restrooms in larger stores are readily available for use by the customers. You’d be hard-pressed to ever find a restaurant without a provided restroom. Here, if you are, indeed, lucky enough to find a public toilet within a 4-mile radius, prepare to wait in a line for approx. 10 minutes, and don’t forget to bring your hazmat suit. If you’re in a store and they don’t have a 20 foot neon sign signaling the restroom, don’t bother to ask if you can use the one hidden in back, cause, “Uhhhhh… we don’t have a bathroom.” Nor do the restaurants, or the public transportation centers, the galleries…
I’ve been told it’s due to the incredible homeless population here. No one wants to facilitate the homeless utilizing their restroom facilities. Hmmm. Okay, I understand that if there were only five proprietors in the entire Bay Area offering facilities, the entire homeless population would flock to those toilets, thus causing an issue for the proprietors of those businesses.
Hey, here’s a thought: With the 9.75% taxes that we pay on everything that we purchase, the $6.00 we pay to drive over the bridge, the $65 we pay for merely a parking ticket, take out just a few pennies per person, build some public restrooms, then hire some people that would actually be willing to clean them. There are people looking for jobs. Perhaps this might even help with the unemployment problem. Better yet, offer a TAX INCENTIVE and a CA. WATER REBATE to ANY business owner with a public, working restroom on the premises. It would then benefit the business owner to provide, maintain, and upkeep a suitable lavatory. Thus, vastly increasing the quantity offered throughout the Bay Area.
So, Bay Area / California government – why should this tinkle issue affect you? Well, it is my understanding that the Bay Area seems to attract a fair amount of business travelers, tourists, academia, investors, active sports enthusiasts, artists, musicians, technology whizzes and professionals in all areas. You’d think it would be to the benefit and welfare of the Bay Area to provide indoor facilities, as maybe the frequency of the aroma of warm piss wafting up during meals at the sidewalk cafés will decrease. The prevalence of men gripping their junk whilst peeing on the face of a building may subside. Perhaps, as a bonus, some of the wads of snot and saliva won’t be tracked back into the hotels on the soles of your fancy potential new residents. Just a crazy thought, California.
Well, gonna go pee now. Maybe.